Total Praetorian Network
Unapologetically conservative news for masculine men, brought to you by Marcus Cole.
Welcome, my fellow alpha males, to the ultimate style guide for conquering the yoga mat. For too long, yoga has been associated with flowy pants and flower patterns, but fear not, for I have found the perfect way for us to maintain our masculine edge while dominating our warrior poses. First things first, forget the […]
Attention all adrenaline junkies and conservative thinkers! Total Praetorian Network is making a bold move with the launch of our new domain, praetorian.today. Get ready to buckle up and join us on an exhilarating journey as we continue to bring you the latest updates on travel, world events, health and fitness, wrestling, and technology news. […]
In a shocking statement that has sparked heated debate among conservatives, Republican Senator John Smith of Virginia declared that life begins at ejaculation, not conception. He went on to claim that men who masturbate are not truly pro-life and should instead “think of his mother” and be grateful that she was not pro-abortion. The senator’s […]
In this increasingly secular world, we often come across individuals who claim to have a direct line to God and possess an unshakeable faith in the impending apocalypse. But one evangelist’s recent actions have left many scratching their heads and questioning the sanity of those who claim to have a spiritual connection. Meet Reverend Jeremiah […]
In a bold move to showcase the strength and superiority of Russian women, President Vladimir Putin has publicly endorsed Xenia Onatopp from the iconic James Bond film Golden Eye as an inspirational role model for all Russian citizens. In a recent speech at the Kremlin, Putin praised Onatopp’s fierce determination and physical prowess, declaring her […]
The tension between Russia and Ukraine has been ongoing for years, with both sides claiming dominance over the other. However, President Vladimir Putin has recently updated his guidelines for how his supporters and trolls should communicate about this conflict. And one thing is for sure, there’s a new emphasis on masculinity. The focus now is […]
Are you tired of dealing with a girlfriend who constantly cries? Well, beware, because it might lead to something far more dangerous and disturbing – dacryphilia. Let’s break it down. Dacryphilia is a sexual fetish where a person is aroused by seeing someone else cry. And yes, it’s a real thing. And what’s scarier is […]
The U.S. Department of Family Values has released alarming new findings that should have every parent on high alert. According to their research, the rising trend of vertical video on social media platforms is leading to a disturbing outcome – turning our children transgender. God has designed our eyes to be horizontal, as it is […]
The world has been witnessing the ongoing conflict between Russia and Ukraine, with tensions continuing to escalate and innocent lives being lost. However, the reasons behind Russian President Vladimir Putin’s actions go beyond political power and territorial control. In a recent interview, Putin revealed his true motive for starting the war – a concerning decline […]
The United States has been put on high alert as the U.S. Department of Family Values has declared RapCon 4, signaling a slightly elevated chance of the long-awaited Rapture happening within the next ten years. Located in the heart of Confederate Park in Memphis, the Department of Family Values is responsible for monitoring world events […]