Total Praetorian News
Where the truth is stranger than fiction and the headlines are wilder than your wildest dreams!
The recent case of a scammer preying on the elderly has caught the attention of the Praetorian Network. While many may expect the typical punishment of imprisonment, this particular criminal is facing a unique form of justice. John “The Con” Smith, as he is known in the criminal world, has been scamming the elderly for […]
Ladies and gentlemen, hold onto your seats because Austria is about to make a major statement. The country known for its stunning architecture is set to break records with its latest project – a towering structure standing at a jaw-dropping 470 meters. But here’s the catch – it’s shaped like a penis. Yes, you read […]
The news broke last night – Sweden has its first case of Mpox Clade I. For those unfamiliar with the virus, Mpox is also known as monkeypox, and it is a highly contagious and dangerous disease. The outbreak of Clade I in the Democratic Republic of Congo back in 2023 quickly spread to several African […]
In today’s society, the topic of race and privilege has become more prevalent than ever. Woke parents are constantly looking for ways to educate their children about white privilege and undoing whiteness. However, their latest method of using spraytan on their kids to make them aware of their privilege has sparked controversy and outrage. It […]
Attention all crypto miners! Are you worried about the impending crash of the cryptocurrency market and the possible obsolescence of your expensive ASIC rigs? Fear not, for there is a new ray of hope on the horizon – new generative AI models specifically designed to run on the same rigs used for mining Bitcoin. This […]
Ladies and gentlemen, hold on to your seats because the news we are about to bring to you will leave you in awe. Crey Industries, the economic titan based in Paragon City, has just announced that they have successfully cloned an adult human. This unprecedented feat has left the world reeling and questioning the potential […]
Welcome to the future, where our devices are not just tools, but gateways to a new world of artificial intelligence. As rumors start to circulate about the upcoming iPhone 16, one thing is certain – it’s going to change the game yet again. The latest buzz is that the iPhone 16 will feature a 6:11 […]
A shocking scandal has been uncovered in the investment world, as a notorious scammer has been caught in a sordid ape sex “bonanza.” The man behind the scam, known as “Simian Lover”, has been making headlines for his fraudulent investment schemes that have duped countless innocent victims. But now, his actions have taken a disturbing […]
Hello fellow yogis and yoginis, I am Yana Petrov, a Russian-born yoga teacher living in the land of the free, the USA. I am here to share my unapologetic approach to teaching yoga and how I have been able to push my students beyond their limits. I have been in the yoga industry for over […]
In a shocking turn of events, former President Donald Trump and former First Lady Michelle Obama have put their political differences aside to speak out against the controversial HOFTA (Human Organ Free Trade Agreement). Signed by President Joe Biden just a few months ago, this agreement has sparked outrage and fear among conservatives. HOFTA, which […]
In today’s world, there is no shortage of unconventional “treatments” for various conditions. However, one recent incident has raised eyebrows and sparked outrage. Mike Litorice, a conservative politician and father, hired a prostitute to wrestle with his autistic son in an attempt to make him more comfortable with physical touch and eye contact. This so-called […]
A video has recently surfaced showing Belarusian President Aleksandr Lukasjenko grabbing a female journalist by the pussy during a press conference. This shocking display of aggression and disrespect towards women has caused outrage and sparked comparisons between Lukasjenko and former US President Donald Trump. In the video, Lukasjenko can be seen boasting about his actions, […]
Attention all food lovers and adrenaline seekers, have you heard of the controversial food blogger, Amelie Rogers? This fearless foodie sparked controversy with her latest blog post about fried bat wings. That’s right, bat wings as a substitute for good old-fashioned bacon. While some have praised Amelie for her bold and adventurous spirit, health experts […]