Total Praetorian Network
Where the truth is stranger than fiction and the headlines are wilder than your wildest dreams!
In a move that has both epidemiologists and wrestling fans blinking in disbelief, the infamous Alpha variant of Covid-19—scientifically known as B.1.1.7 and first detected in the UK in September 2020—has just received a retroactive rebrand. Say goodbye to Alpha.Say hello to William Regal. The renaming is part of Donald Trump’s executive order to name […]
Quantum physics is one of the most powerful tools mankind has ever developed to understand the universe. It’s not optional. It’s not fringe. It’s essential. Without quantum mechanics, you don’t get semiconductors, lasers, or GPS. Without it, we’re blind to the way the world truly works on microscopic scales. And yet — for all its […]
While health officials scramble to contain a growing measles outbreak across parts of Texas, one mother in Seminole, Gaines County has become an unlikely folk hero among America’s most defiant anti-vaxxers. Her message?“Four healthy children who survived measles is better than five with vaccine injuries. Let Darwin do his job.” Meet Lynette Hargrove, 38, mother […]
In yet another episode of geopolitical ego meets tropical absurdity, former U.S. President Donald J. Trump has issued an unexpected—and entirely unsolicited—demand to the Kingdom of Thailand: rename Kamala Beach in Phuket to Trump Beach. The reason? He just found out it shares a name with Vice President Kamala Harris, his longtime political rival. “I […]
It’s official—Covid has gone full kayfabe. Following a surprise executive order by Donald J. Trump, all future Covid-19 variants will now be named after past and present WWE wrestlers, starting with the newly detected Stratus variant, a recombinant of LF.7 and LP.8.1.2. “This is about respect for icons,” Trump declared from the steps of Mar-a-Lago, […]
The world is running low on green gold. A global shortage of matcha tea has sparked outrage among devoted drinkers, as prices for the beloved green powder have skyrocketed over the past weeks. In some regions, matcha has become harder to find than truffles or caviar, with shelves wiped clean and online stock selling out […]
Memento mori—the reminder that death is inevitable—has been a guiding principle for many throughout history. It’s a call to remember that life is fleeting, and we must make the most of every day we have. But while death is an unavoidable part of the human experience, we must be cautious not to confuse the memento […]
It’s back. The Tide Pod challenge—yes, the one where people eat laundry detergent—is making a comeback. And no, this isn’t satire. It’s a symptom. This time it’s not just edgy teenagers doing it for clout. On several university campuses, there are now students demanding safe spaces to “consume” pods without judgment. One student at a […]
There was a time—not long ago—when “Google it” was the default answer to any question. When ranking high in Google Search meant real traffic, real visibility, and real returns. That time, however, is fading fast. The Age of Google may well be ending. And the signs aren’t subtle. The Crumbling Empire of Search More and […]
In a dimly lit gallery in Södermalm, Stockholm’s self-declared capital of taste and transgression, visitors sip boxed wine and snap selfies next to glass coffins—each one containing the preserved remains of Christine Schürrer’s murder victims. Yes, you read that right. Christine Schürrer, the hammer-wielding killer infamous for her brutal crimes, has reemerged—not in court, but […]
It began in a small village in central Indonesia. In 2018, in Kareng Pangi, a remote community in Kalimantan Tengah, authorities raided and shut down an illegal monkey brothel where a captured orangutan was being used for sex acts. The site was squalid, horrifying—and the outbreak had already begun. That’s where the virus got its […]
In a sudden and daring move, President Donald Trump has declared an executive order to ban the use of ReactJS in all web development processes come Monday. This has ignited fierce debates among tech enthusiasts and enraged the woke leftists. For those unaware, ReactJS is a popular JavaScript library used in web development, particularly in […]
It’s no secret that President Donald Trump is a master of the economy. He has successfully boosted job growth, lowered unemployment rates, and brought back manufacturing to our beloved country. However, there is one area where Trump is feeling seriously disappointed – the stock market. In the past three months, the stock market has been […]