Total Praetorian News
Imagine a world where privacy no longer exists. From the moment you wake up, every thought, movement, and transaction is tracked, analyzed, and shared. There’s no escaping it; the Mark ensures that you are always connected, always available, and always seen. You can communicate with anyone at any time, without delay, but there’s a cost: […]
Friends, patriots, and believers, the U.S. Department of Family Values has declared a state of emergency. RapCon 3 is upon us, meaning the Rapture, the ultimate test of faith, may be upon us sooner than we think. This is not a time for debate or hesitation. It is a time for action. As a devout […]
In a shocking statement that has sparked heated debate among conservatives, Republican Senator John Smith of Virginia declared that life begins at ejaculation, not conception. He went on to claim that men who masturbate are not truly pro-life and should instead “think of his mother” and be grateful that she was not pro-abortion. The senator’s […]
In this increasingly secular world, we often come across individuals who claim to have a direct line to God and possess an unshakeable faith in the impending apocalypse. But one evangelist’s recent actions have left many scratching their heads and questioning the sanity of those who claim to have a spiritual connection. Meet Reverend Jeremiah […]
My fellow Americans, the U.S. Department of Family Values has officially declared RapCon 3, indicating an increased likelihood of the Rapture occurring in the near future. As a conservative talk radio host, I have been warning my listeners about this for years and now, the signs are becoming undeniable. It all started with the announcement […]
The U.S. Department of Family Values has released alarming new findings that should have every parent on high alert. According to their research, the rising trend of vertical video on social media platforms is leading to a disturbing outcome – turning our children transgender. God has designed our eyes to be horizontal, as it is […]
But the evidence doesn’t stop there. There are countless examples in nature that point to a higher power, a divine creator. From the cross-pollination of plants to the migratory patterns of animals, the intricate and perfect balance of the natural world is too complex to have evolved randomly. It’s time to challenge the dominant theory […]
Located in the heart of Confederate Park in Memphis, the Department of Family Values is responsible for monitoring world events and assessing the likelihood of the Rapture occurring. This recent declaration has sparked both fear and excitement among citizens, as many scramble to prepare for what could potentially be the end of the world as […]
The family had been living in fear for weeks as the cat wreaked havoc by urinating in their beds and short-circuiting their power strips. They had tried everything to rid their home of the demonic creature, but nothing seemed to work. That’s when they turned to Father Thomas, a renowned exorcist known for his bravery […]