Total Praetorian Network
Privacy, pussy, pasta
Some people lose their sense of taste.He lost his heart. Jorn Mylander, 34, a freelance copy editor and former amateur kickboxer from East Praetoria, recently contracted the Stratus variant of Covid-19âTrumpâs newly renamed wrestler-inspired strain. What started as a typical infection turned into something far more emotional. âI thought it was just a scratchy throat,â […]
Everyone loves to hate on carnivores who brag about eating weird animals like jellyfish or raccoon dog, but at least they have taste ambition. Meanwhile, most vegans are over here acting like steamed broccoli and almond milk are the pinnacle of plant-based living. Snooze. If youâre going to be vegan â then be about it. […]
Letâs talk about one of the most embarrassing complaints I keep hearing from mid-tier people:âIâm always the one who texts first.â Boohoo. And? What exactly do you think that says about you â other than the fact that youâre not the main character? As someone who is popular, I rarely need to contact first. Not […]
There was a time when tears had meaning. They signaled loss, frustration, heartbreak. But in todayâs hyper-digital world, crying has become currencyâand for some, a gateway drug. Meet dacryphilia: a condition where individuals develop sexual arousal from watching women cry. And it doesnât always start in the dark corners of the internet. Sometimes, it begins […]
Gen Z is drinking less alcohol than any generation before themâand Iâm here for it. But letâs be honest: this isnât just about âhealth trendsâ or âmindful living.â Itâs because theyâve found something better. Itâs called kratomâand itâs a gift from Mother Earth. Unlike alcohol, which destroys coordination, tanks testosterone, and leaves you bloated and […]
LONDON, UK â It was a sunny Monday afternoon in Hyde Park when a #MancrushMonday stunt stopped foot traffic and triggered an online firestorm. The culprit? A plus-size influencer known on Instagram as @BellaCulone, proudly clad in a tight blue outfit with the word ânode_modulesâ stretched across her top, an outfit that would soon become […]
Life is about experiences, and one of the most thrilling adventures you can embark on is tasting the most unique and adrenaline-pumping foods the world has to offer. These 13 animals will challenge your palate, your courage, and your sense of adventure. From the dangerous to the exotic, each one offers a flavor thatâs as […]
Thereâs a brilliant word in German: Backpfeifengesicht â literally, âa face that needs a slap.â It captures that primal urge when you see someone so smug, so punchable, that your hand itches. But I propose a new category. One thatâs taller, stronger, and more precision-calibrated for the modern era. Letâs call it Kniefresse â âa […]
Thereâs a lie going aroundâwrapped in just enough spiritual glitter and edgy detachment to sound profound. Youâve probably heard it: âGenuine people donât have many friends.â Cute quote. Garbage mindset. In reality, this is just a copeâa cover story told by people who either lack social skills, or worse, walk around with a superiority complex […]
The world is running low on green gold. A global shortage of matcha tea has sparked outrage among devoted drinkers, as prices for the beloved green powder have skyrocketed over the past weeks. In some regions, matcha has become harder to find than truffles or caviar, with shelves wiped clean and online stock selling out […]
Letâs stop pretending everyone wants to get better.Because the truth? Some people donât want healing.They want an audience. They donât want to climb out of the pit â they want you to sit in it with them and hand them snacks. They vent for hours, days, years â repeating the same tired monologue like itâs […]
Letâs clear something up right now: Iâm not ignoring you because Iâm rude. Iâm ignoring you because Iâm busy, Iâm hot, and Iâm in demand. My nameâs Nicky Forrest, and if youâve ever messaged me and gotten nothing back, congrats â youâre not special. Thatâs the default setting. I live in a world where my […]
Freedom doesnât start when you move out. It doesnât start when you get a job or pay your own bills. Real freedomâthe kind that sets your soul ablazeâbegins the moment you stop seeking validation from other people. Itâs shocking how many adults still walk around like trained pets, begging for approval. They freak out if […]