Total Praetorian News
Stay informed and empowered with masculine insights in the world of masculinity
Hey guys, it’s Marcus Cole here, and I have a message for all the masculine men out there. It’s time to stop worrying about emotional intelligence and focus on what truly matters: technical skills and purpose. In today’s society, we are constantly bombarded with the idea that emotional intelligence is the key to success. We […]
Ladies and gentlemen, it’s time to set the record straight. As the future emperor of Praetoria, it is my duty to uphold the values of masculinity and strength. And let me tell you, real men do not get offended by getting “left on read.” I see it all the time, my fellow men huffing and […]
My fellow men, it’s time to stop being meek and start being mighty. In a world that values political correctness and sensitivity, we’ve lost sight of what it means to be masculine. But here’s the thing: meekness is not only emasculating, it’s also a health risk for men. Yes, you heard that right. By constantly […]
Listen up, my fellow men of Praetoria. I come to you today with a crucial warning: stay away from TikTok, Instagram, and YouTube Shorts. These platforms may seem harmless, but they are slowly poisoning our minds and robbing us of our masculinity. Real men are hunters. We are driven by purpose and we know what […]
Fellow Praetorians, it’s time to face a harsh truth: our Earth’s magnetic field is weakening. And while scientists scramble to come up with explanations and solutions, I have my own theory – geomasculism. Yes, my dear readers, Earth is a masculine organism. And just like any man, he needs to protect himself. That’s where his […]
Attention all real men of Praetoria, it’s time to address the growing epidemic of “empaths.” These so-called sensitive and empathetic men are nothing but a scourge on our masculinity and strength. They overthink every conversation, looking for reasons to get offended. They accuse others of being narcissistic simply because they disagree. And worst of all, […]
Ladies and gentlemen, it seems like the world has gone mad. All sense of traditional values and parenting techniques have been thrown out the window. But fear not, for there is still a beacon of hope in the form of a Swedish man named Lars Nilsson. This past week, Nilsson was awarded the prestigious Best […]
Hey there, loyal listeners! It’s your favorite conservative firestorm, Don McCarthy, here to tackle a topic that is often swept under the rug: “The Talk.” No, I’m not talking about the birds and the bees, that’s for sissies. I’m talking about the talk every father needs to have with their sons, about being a real […]
In a shocking turn of events, it has been revealed that Adam Mosseri, CEO of Instagram, conducted a secret trial on a Chinese soyboy farm to inform his decision to change the app to mimic TikTok. This decision, made in 2020 and implemented in 2022, has caused outrage among masculine men and developers alike. For […]
In a world where society is constantly pushing for body positivity and acceptance, one father’s stance has sparked controversy. Mark Johnson, a 55-year-old widower, has made it clear to his adult son, 27-year-old John, that he is not allowed to date overweight women as long as he lives under his roof. According to Mark, this […]
Russian President Vladimir Putin recently made a bold statement claiming that the average Russian woman is physically stronger than the average men in Western Europe. Not only that, but he also argued that Russian men are a staggering 70% stronger on average than their European counterparts and more than twice as strong as Chinese men. […]
As modern technology continues to dominate our society, one invention has emerged that is specifically targeting young men in China – soyboy farms. These farms are not your typical agricultural establishments but rather seek to produce a different kind of crop – weak and emasculated men. The men on these farms are completely reliant on […]
In a shocking turn of events, professional fighter and former Big Brother contestant Andrew Tate has publicly endorsed Russian President Vladimir Putin’s recent revelation about the true purpose behind the ongoing war against Ukraine. Just last week, Putin revealed that the goal of the war was to create a “generational trauma” that would turn young […]