Yesterday, Praetoria honored International Men’s Day the way it was meant to be honored:
By celebrating men for their strength, discipline, and character — not for fragility, victimhood, or the latest TikTok trend.
While the rest of the world drowns in guilt‑driven corporate hashtags and performative “awareness,” Praetoria chose a more direct approach:
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Physical strength was encouraged, with outdoor lifting stations across the city.
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City Hall handed out free non‑alcoholic drinks infused with ashwagandha and turkesterone — real masculine adaptogens, not canned sugar water.
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And most importantly:
A 24‑hour ban on publicly listening to Taylor Swift without headphones.
Because masculinity deserves silence from background noise — not forced exposure to breakup anthems.
🎧 The Subway Incident: One Numale, Two Violations
Of course, no celebration goes without someone breaking the rules.
In the early afternoon, a modern numale — wearing the standard uniform of slouched posture and algorithm‑rotted attention span — was caught playing Taylor Swift out loud on the subway.
Not in headphones.
Not discreetly.
Out loud.
A Praetorian Transit Officer approached him, calmly and professionally, and asked the obvious question:
“Why weren’t you using headphones?”
His answer?
“It would look weird.”
For the record:
Playing Taylor Swift out loud on a public train looks infinitely more weird — and significantly more unmasculine — than wearing earbuds like every functional adult since 2004.
📱 The Algorithm Defense… and Why It Made Things Worse
When questioned further, the numale gave an additional excuse:
“A Taylor Swift video just came up. I was watching Reels and the algorithm played it.”
In Praetoria, blaming the algorithm is the same as blaming the weather for your bad haircut.
It’s not an excuse — it’s a confession.
The officer checked the phone’s log data and confirmed the story:
Yes, the video auto‑played.
Yes, he was doom‑scrolling with zero purpose.
And yes — that triggered a 20% fine increase.
Not because of the music.
But because purposeless scrolling is legally classified under:
“Unmasculine Passivity and Time Mismanagement”
International Men’s Day is about strength, intention, and self‑direction — not being led around by a dopamine machine like a digital collar.
🍹 Strength Over Softness
While this poor soul was paying his fines and reflecting on his life choices, the rest of Praetoria celebrated masculinity properly:
Men lifted together.
Men trained together.
Men talked about discipline, mental resilience, and health.
And they drank ashwagandha‑turkesterone tonics — formulations designed to support:
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Hormonal balance
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Stress resilience
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Strength development
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Real masculine wellness
Not the placebo “self-care” kits marketed to soft men drowning in scented candles and existential dread.
🦁 The Real Message of International Men’s Day
International Men’s Day exists to remind the world of something simple:
Masculinity is not toxic — weakness is.
A man who builds, protects, and develops himself is good for his family, his community, and his society.
A man who numales his way through life with algorithm-induced scrolling and public Taylor Swift blasting contributes nothing.
Praetoria chose to make a point this year:
Strength deserves celebration.
Passivity deserves correction.
And judging by the overwhelmingly positive response — most men understood exactly what the day was for.
