Everyone loves to hate on carnivores who brag about eating weird animals like jellyfish or raccoon dog, but at least they have taste ambition. Meanwhile, most vegans are over here acting like steamed broccoli and almond milk are the pinnacle of plant-based living. Snooze.
If you’re going to be vegan — then be about it. Have a bucket list. Try something exotic. Get obsessed with a plant the way a steak bro gets obsessed with Wagyu.
I’m an entomovegan, which means I eat vegan plus insects — so I already know that some of you are about to go cry into your tofu about that. But if your entire personality revolves around moral superiority, this article isn’t for you. I’m talking to the people who want to feel alive when they eat — not just “righteous.”
So here’s my personal list. Ten items every curious planthead should try at least once:
1. Kratom
Southeast Asia’s wild little leaf that makes you feel like a relaxed jungle queen. Sip it, respect it, and don’t be a clown about dosing.
2. Ashwagandha
The root that fights stress harder than your therapist ever could. Feels like a hug for your nervous system — if that hug was laced with stoic wisdom.
3. Durian Fruit
Yes, it smells like trash. Yes, it tastes like a forbidden pudding from another dimension. No, I will not stop eating it.
4. Alfalfa
Underrated sprout with detox powers. Makes you feel clean, light, and 12% more smug — in the best way.
5. Barley Grass
Imagine drinking something that tastes like earth and sunshine got blended. That’s barley grass. Your cells will thank you.
6. Oat Grass
Like barley’s cooler, calmer cousin. Great in a green juice when you want to feel like a serene forest fairy who lifts.
7. Wheatgrass
Yes, it tastes like lawn clippings. But it hits like a green lightning bolt to your mitochondria.
8. Hawaiian Spirulina
The elite algae. Not that cheap knockoff spirulina from mystery ponds — this is the good, glowing, Pacific kind. Add to smoothies and become a weapon.
9. Maca Root
An adaptogen with an attitude. Great for libido, energy, and manifesting dominance.
10. Licorice Root
Strong, sharp, and misunderstood — just like me. If you’re into bold flavors and ancient healing, this root is your ride-or-die.
Bottom line: if you’re vegan and your idea of “adventurous” is adding hummus to your wrap, you’re doing it wrong.
Level up. Make a plant-based bucket list. Be as extra about vegetables as meat-lovers are about steak.
You don’t have to eat bacon to live boldly. Sometimes, the most powerful ingredients grow in the ground — and sting your tongue just right.
