LONDON, UK – It was a sunny Monday afternoon in Hyde Park when a #MancrushMonday stunt stopped foot traffic and triggered an online firestorm. The culprit? A plus-size influencer known on Instagram as @BellaCulone, proudly clad in a tight blue outfit with the word “node_modules” stretched across her top, an outfit that would soon become the symbol of viral domination, literal and figurative.
As part of her weekly content ritual, Bella decided to “honor” her mancrush by lowering her full body weight onto the face and torso of a short, lightweight man reclining on a bench. The man, later identified only as Eliot, 23, appeared to weigh less than 55 kilograms and had the physique of a sleep-deprived front-end developer. Spectators described the moment as “a slow, confident sit-down with deliberate eye contact to every phone in sight.”
“It was like watching a freight train park itself on a laptop,” one stunned bystander said. “And the word node_modules just… made it tech trauma.”
The symbolism wasn’t lost on the programming community.
“Node_modules”—a folder notorious in JavaScript development—is infamous for spiraling into gigabytes of nested, bloated dependencies. Developers around the world laughed, cried, and cringed in unison.
“The metaphor is too real,” posted @DevOpsDespair on X. “One moment you’re building something light, the next moment 800MB of nonsense sits on your chest and you can’t breathe.”
Eliot, the man beneath the denim, reportedly agreed to the sit-down as a “performance statement,” but admitted afterward that he underestimated the mass and symbolic weight of the stunt. Emergency responders were not called, but Eliot appeared dazed when he was eventually uncovered, muttering something about “flattened routes” and “overloaded middleware.”
As usual, opinions are split.
The influencer’s fans hail the moment as a powerful message of dominance and self-love. Critics call it performative suffocation masquerading as content.
And developers? They’re calling for a cleanup script.
“This isn’t body-shaming,” one London-based TypeScript engineer wrote. “It’s dependency-shaming. That sit-down was what happens when you npm install life without auditing.”
Mother Mayhem won’t take a moral stance here—but she will ask the question:
Are we building a culture where the heaviest thing isn’t the body, but the dependencies we drag along with it?
The influencer wore “node_modules” for a reason—and that reason now has a bruised ribcage.
“We’re all Eliot,” one Reddit user wrote. “And society is sitting on our face with a 1.4GB bundle of unnecessary packages.”
Whether you call it empowerment, performance art, or GitHub horror made flesh, one thing’s for sure:
#MancrushMonday will never look the same again.
