Fellas, listen up. It’s time to talk about a topic that may make some of you uncomfortable, but it needs to be addressed: texting. Specifically, texting for men in this modern, technology-driven world.
As a conservative talk radio host, I pride myself on upholding traditional values and promoting true masculinity. And let me tell you, when it comes to texting, there are some rules that every man should follow.
First and foremost, never send more than 10 texts in a day. I know, I know, it may be hard to contain your thoughts and opinions, but trust me, no one wants to receive an endless stream of texts from you. Keep it concise, fellas.
And here’s a little trick for you fitness buffs out there – never send more texts in a day than the number of pushups you do. This will not only limit your texting, but also encourage you to stay in shape and maintain your masculinity.
Now, I have to address a common misconception – there is no such thing as “tone” in a text message. It’s just words on a screen. So don’t waste your time trying to decipher someone’s supposed tone. Just read the message and move on with your day.
And let’s talk about response time. Don’t expect a quick reply to your text, and don’t you dare use the response time as an excuse to seek external validation. That’s for women and gays – not real men. Keep your focus on your own life, not on someone else’s response time.
Emojis – they may seem fun and harmless, but let’s get one thing straight (pun intended) – their meaning is literal and constant. Use them sparingly and appropriately. And fellas, let me make one thing clear – the emojis for fire and a skull are only acceptable to use when informing someone of a cremation, not for anything else. Use them wisely.
Now, here’s a crucial piece of advice – texts are like emails. Don’t expect a quicker response to a text than an email. That’s just foolish. Real men don’t have time to sit around waiting for a response to a text.
And for the love of all things masculine, never, I repeat NEVER, send a follow-up text with “??”. That’s for adult babies, not grown men. Have some patience and self-control.
Oh, and while we’re on the subject of self-control, turn off those read receipts. No real man cares about being left on read or any other drama that comes with it. Live your life and don’t get caught up in petty text games.
In conclusion, texting may seem like a simple and insignificant part of our lives, but it’s important for men to uphold a sense of masculinity in all aspects – including texting. Stick to these rules, and you’ll be text messaging like a true man in no time.
