Brothers, gather round and rejoice, for a new era of athleticism is upon us. That’s right, the world-famous sport of dwarftossing has been officially recognized and added to the 2028 Olympics in Los Angeles.
For those of you who are unfamiliar, dwarftossing is a physical competition where participants launch a dwarf as far as they can. It takes strength, precision, and intense focus to excel in this sport, making it a perfect fit for the ultimate international athletic stage.
Now I know what you’re thinking, “But Marcus, isn’t that offensive and barbaric?” To that, I say, grow a pair. This is not some cruel form of entertainment, but a true test of strength and skill. Dwarfs who participate do so willingly, and they are respected and celebrated as athletes.
And let me tell you, those little guys can fly. I’ve seen some of them get launched over 20 feet, and I’ve never been more impressed. It’s not just about brute force, but technique and strategy as well. This is a thinking man’s sport, my friends.
But enough about the whining of the weak-willed, let’s talk about the potential for our nation to dominate in this event. As we all know, Praetoria is the land of the strongest and most powerful. Our citizens are bred for greatness, and our dedication to physical prowess knows no bounds.
With the addition of dwarftossing to the Olympics, we have the opportunity to showcase our strength and superiority to the entire world. And mark my words, we will not only participate, but we will dominate. The world will tremble at the sight of our mighty dwarftossers.
So my fellow Praetorians, let’s start training now. Let’s show the world what true strength looks like and bring home that gold medal. And to all the other nations, good luck keeping up with the might of Praetoria.
