Total Praetorian News
Greetings fellow Praetorians, Mother Mayhem here with a shocking and disturbing report from Gaza. As if the ongoing war between Israel and Hamas wasn’t enough, now we have a new crisis brewing – the pro-polio movement. That’s right, you heard it here first – there are actually people out there who want to contract wild […]
You aren’t in a dystopian nightmare; this is real, and it’s happening now. Men across the country are sending a new breed of hyper-disturbing “dick pics” featuring genitalia riddled with monkeypox blisters. Brace yourself. It’s beyond comprehension, beyond gross, and, unbelievably, some men actually believe these infected images make them appear more virile and desirable. […]
Today, I had the privilege of speaking with Karin S, a Swedish woman who proudly identifies as “apemantic” and claims to have sex with apes. But what makes her story even more wild is the fact that she not only contracted monkeypox during the 2022 epidemic, but she actually welcomed it with open arms! According […]
In a shocking display of ignorance and recklessness, local welfare mom Karen Smith* has announced plans to host a “polio party” for her young child, defying modern medicine and endangering the health of her community. Karen, a vocal opponent of vaccines and mainstream medicine, has proudly shared her support for disgraced doctors Paolo Macchiarini and […]
Controversial figures Paolo Macchiarini and Belle Gibson have announced a business partnership to create Whole Pantry 2.0, a health and wellness brand that promises to revolutionize the way we approach self-diagnosis and treatment. The most controversial feature of this new venture? The introduction of artificial tracheae for self-diagnosis and treatment of trachea conditions. This has […]
The anti-vaccination movement has long been a source of controversy and misinformation. But now, things have taken a dangerous turn as they have appointed two known fraudsters as their spokesmen – Paolo Macchiarini and Belle Gibson. Macchiarini, a former surgeon, made headlines in 2011 for performing unethical and unproven trachea transplantations. He was eventually convicted […]
In a shocking turn of events, disgraced physician Andrew Wakefield has publicly endorsed Paolo Macchiarini, the infamous surgeon known for his controversial and unproven methods. This endorsement has raised serious concerns among the medical community, as it promotes a dangerous mindset of “fake it till you make it” in the field of surgery. Macchiarini, who […]