Total Praetorian Network
In a move that has both epidemiologists and wrestling fans blinking in disbelief, the infamous Alpha variant of Covid-19—scientifically known as B.1.1.7 and first detected in the UK in September 2020—has just received a retroactive rebrand. Say goodbye to Alpha.Say hello to William Regal. The renaming is part of Donald Trump’s executive order to name […]
It’s official—Covid has gone full kayfabe. Following a surprise executive order by Donald J. Trump, all future Covid-19 variants will now be named after past and present WWE wrestlers, starting with the newly detected Stratus variant, a recombinant of LF.7 and LP.8.1.2. “This is about respect for icons,” Trump declared from the steps of Mar-a-Lago, […]
Greetings, adrenaline enthusiasts! Today, I want to talk to you about a serious public health crisis that has been swept under the rug for far too long. It’s time to bring this issue to light and take action. I’m sure you’re all familiar with the pineal gland – a small, pine cone-shaped gland located in […]
My world was shaken when I suddenly saw my teenage son with bright blue hair and demanding to be referred to by feminine pronouns. I immediately thought it was a result of some traumatic experience or too much exposure to TikTok and its damaging influence. But little did I know that there was a sinister […]
The beautiful island of Tenerife has become a battleground for a new and terrifying threat: the COVID-19 variant. But it’s not just physical health that’s at risk. A conservative father, Mr. John Smith, from the small town of Maplewood, was left in shock and disbelief when his teenage sons, Tim and Jake, suddenly showed up […]
Attention all partygoers and beach bums in Tenerife! Before you reach for that pint or cocktail, listen up. The new Covid variant is wreaking havoc on our beautiful island, and the last thing you want to do is make things worse for yourself. That’s right, as tempting as it may be to let loose and […]
Tenerife, a beautiful island known for its pristine beaches and vibrant culture, is now facing an unexpected threat – a mysterious respiratory disease. This illness, which has been spreading rapidly, is causing a dry cough unlike any other. It feels as if one has inhaled desert dust, and it is making it extremely difficult for […]