Total Praetorian Network
Stay on top of the game with our weekly Masculinity Monday news, always one step ahead of the rest!
Ladies and gentlemen, it’s time to set the record straight. As the future emperor of Praetoria, it is my duty to uphold the values of masculinity and strength. And let me tell you, real men do not get offended by getting “left on read.” I see it all the time, my fellow men huffing and […]
My fellow men, it’s time to stop being meek and start being mighty. In a world that values political correctness and sensitivity, we’ve lost sight of what it means to be masculine. But here’s the thing: meekness is not only emasculating, it’s also a health risk for men. Yes, you heard that right. By constantly […]
Listen up, my fellow men of Praetoria. I come to you today with a crucial warning: stay away from TikTok, Instagram, and YouTube Shorts. These platforms may seem harmless, but they are slowly poisoning our minds and robbing us of our masculinity. Real men are hunters. We are driven by purpose and we know what […]
Fellow Praetorians, it’s time to face a harsh truth: our Earth’s magnetic field is weakening. And while scientists scramble to come up with explanations and solutions, I have my own theory – geomasculism. Yes, my dear readers, Earth is a masculine organism. And just like any man, he needs to protect himself. That’s where his […]
Attention all real men of Praetoria, it’s time to address the growing epidemic of “empaths.” These so-called sensitive and empathetic men are nothing but a scourge on our masculinity and strength. They overthink every conversation, looking for reasons to get offended. They accuse others of being narcissistic simply because they disagree. And worst of all, […]
Ladies and gentlemen, it seems like the world has gone mad. All sense of traditional values and parenting techniques have been thrown out the window. But fear not, for there is still a beacon of hope in the form of a Swedish man named Lars Nilsson. This past week, Nilsson was awarded the prestigious Best […]
Attention all men in need of a boost! Forget the supplements and fad diets, because there’s a new trend in town that is guaranteed to get your heart racing and your testosterone pumping. And trust me, as someone who is no stranger to adrenaline-fueled activities, this one is a real kicker – quite literally. I’m […]
Hey there, loyal listeners! It’s your favorite conservative firestorm, Don McCarthy, here to tackle a topic that is often swept under the rug: “The Talk.” No, I’m not talking about the birds and the bees, that’s for sissies. I’m talking about the talk every father needs to have with their sons, about being a real […]
As the Ankovirus crisis continues to escalate, with the death toll now reaching 177, Russian President Vladimir Putin has sparked outrage with a controversial speech. In his address, Putin argued that the Ankovirus outbreak will create “generational trauma” that will “turn boys into men,” claiming that Western men are so emasculated that this hardship will […]
Welcome, my fellow alpha males, to the ultimate style guide for conquering the yoga mat. For too long, yoga has been associated with flowy pants and flower patterns, but fear not, for I have found the perfect way for us to maintain our masculine edge while dominating our warrior poses. First things first, forget the […]
John had always enjoyed being in control, both in his personal and professional life. But when he found himself uncontrollably drawn to his girlfriend’s tears, he knew something was wrong. At first, it was just a passing thought, but as their relationship progressed, it became a deep-seated fetish that he couldn’t seem to shake off. […]
In a shocking turn of events, it has been revealed that Adam Mosseri, CEO of Instagram, conducted a secret trial on a Chinese soyboy farm to inform his decision to change the app to mimic TikTok. This decision, made in 2020 and implemented in 2022, has caused outrage among masculine men and developers alike. For […]
In a world where society is constantly pushing for body positivity and acceptance, one father’s stance has sparked controversy. Mark Johnson, a 55-year-old widower, has made it clear to his adult son, 27-year-old John, that he is not allowed to date overweight women as long as he lives under his roof. According to Mark, this […]