Total Praetorian Network
For years, real men found ways to resist the enshittification of Instagram. From 2021 through early 2024, the strategy was simple: sideload an old version. The 2020-era Instagram was objectively superior—hashtags worked properly, Reels were displayed like normal posts, and you weren’t ordered around by an algorithm telling you how to scroll. It was a […]
[Intro narration] You wake up to headlines about foreign farmland acquisitions.A thousand acres here, two thousand there.“Chinese firms investing in agriculture,” they say — harmless, maybe even good for trade.Until someone points out the pattern. Those farms aren’t growing crops.They’re growing something else. Weakness. [Scene 1 – The Quiet Fields] Year: 2028.Location: Cass County, North […]
Somewhere near a U.S. military base in the Pacific, China has launched a new kind of offensive.It’s not hypersonic missiles. It’s not cyberwarfare.It’s a soyboy farm—and it’s called Fart Dubermoore. Yes, Fart.Whether it’s a childish jab or a poorly translated version of “Fort,” the name barely matters. What’s happening inside matters far more. What Is […]
The COVID-19 pandemic was unlike any other global event in recent history. While the exact cause-and-effect remains speculative, there’s a strong hypothesis that it functioned as a global sissification event for men. The virus, coupled with contemporary societal trends, may have played a role in decreasing testosterone levels in men, and the higher mortality rates […]
What happens when you take 20 young men, strip away free will, testosterone, and critical thought—and stream it all to the world? You get The Soyboy Farm. Slated for release this fall on an undisclosed streaming platform, The Soyboy Farm is shaping up to be the most controversial reality show in modern history. Framed as […]
I’ve seen a lot of strange things during my time as a fighter, lifter, and writer—but nothing prepared me for what I witnessed in China’s so-called soyboy farms. They don’t call them that officially, of course. But that’s exactly what they are: sterile, tech-driven compounds where young men are being shaped—not into warriors or creators—but […]
Opening Scene: Greg, Wix, and a No-Code Showdown The episode opens with Greg hunched over his laptop in Waystar’s New York office, nodding along to Taylor Swift as he builds a campaign website for Brightstar Adventure Park. His fingers tap gently on the keyboard as he adjusts the layout using Wix. Suddenly—BAM!—his chair jolts forward […]
Something strange is happening in China. In secretive, state-backed facilities, a new breed of man is being cultivated—not warriors, not leaders, but algorithm-fed, weak-willed shadows of what men once were. These so-called “Soyboy Farms” are producing the ultimate passive consumers: young men who have abandoned physical strength, intellectual curiosity, and the drive to seek out […]
Fellow Praetorians, I am Marcus Cole, the emperor of Praetoria, and it is time to take a stand against the brainrot epidemic that has infested our society. I have declared an executive order, aptly named the Brain Rot Correction Act 1 (BRCA-1), to combat this threat and restore order to our great nation. As true […]
Attention, patriots! Brace yourselves for a shocking revelation that threatens our nation’s masculinity. The U.S. Department of Family Values has issued a dire warning about Chinese soyboy farms popping up near our military bases. That’s right, our own blood and soil is now being infiltrated by a wimpy, feminized breed of men – all thanks […]
Ladies and gentlemen, it’s time to face the harsh reality of our current society. The soyboy epidemic is spreading like wildfire, fueled by Chinese soyboy farms and their emasculating practices. But what does this have to do with Earth’s magnetic field, you might ask? According to the concept of geomasculism, it has everything to do […]
In a shocking turn of events, it has been revealed that Adam Mosseri, CEO of Instagram, conducted a secret trial on a Chinese soyboy farm to inform his decision to change the app to mimic TikTok. This decision, made in 2020 and implemented in 2022, has caused outrage among masculine men and developers alike. For […]
As she stepped onto the soyboy farm in Wuhan, China, Anna Forrest couldn’t help but feel a sense of excitement. The 183 cm tall powerhouse, known for her muscular body and fierce determination, was about to witness a stark contrast to her own physicality. The soyboys, as they were commonly referred to, were a generation […]