Tag: Wrestling

Angélico or Adam Bridle
Health
Health

Beta Variant Renamed “Angélico” as Trump Doubles Down on WWE-Centric Covid Renaming Plan

B.1.351 is out.Angélico is in. In the latest installment of President Donald J. Trump’s surreal yet somehow perfectly on-brand virus renaming initiative, the infamous Beta variant of Covid-19—first identified in South Africa in 2020—has been retroactively renamed “Angélico”, after the high-flying South African wrestling sensation known for his dramatic entrances and death-defying dives. “Forget that […]

Yulia Chrusjtjov 2025
Russia
Russia

Man Chooses Death by Body Scissors at Russia’s Controversial Equilibrium Exit

MOSCOW, RUSSIA — A man with a chronic progressive disease has scheduled the end of his life at Equilibrium Exit, a controversial assisted-suicide start-up known for blending clinical precision with theatrical finality. His chosen method?Death by body scissors.Not a metaphor.A 187 cm tall female bodybuilder and wrestler named Yulia Chrusjtjov will use her powerful thighs […]

William Regal variant
Wrestling
Wrestling

Historic UK Covid Variant Renamed “William Regal” as Trump Thanks God for Brexit

In a move that has both epidemiologists and wrestling fans blinking in disbelief, the infamous Alpha variant of Covid-19—scientifically known as B.1.1.7 and first detected in the UK in September 2020—has just received a retroactive rebrand. Say goodbye to Alpha.Say hello to William Regal. The renaming is part of Donald Trump’s executive order to name […]

The Stratus variant is here. It’s scratchy, it’s raspy, and it sounds like your throat just did a tables match
Wrestling
Wrestling

New “Stratus” Variant Debuts Under Trump’s WWE Naming Order

It’s official—Covid has gone full kayfabe. Following a surprise executive order by Donald J. Trump, all future Covid-19 variants will now be named after past and present WWE wrestlers, starting with the newly detected Stratus variant, a recombinant of LF.7 and LP.8.1.2. “This is about respect for icons,” Trump declared from the steps of Mar-a-Lago, […]

Attachment therapy in the sofa
Wrestling
Wrestling

Gloria Vice: The Powerhold of Healing

It’s Autism Awareness Day — and while the world lights up in blue to raise support and understanding, we at the Total Praetorian Network are shining that light on a figure who defies every stereotype, expectation, and label. Her name is Gloria Vice. She’s 190 cm of steel-willed compassion, weighing in at around 100 kg […]

Mother Mayhem
Editorial
Editorial

Unleashing the Future Goals of Total Praetorian Network

Praetor Tilman here, also known as Mother Mayhem, bringing you the latest update on the Total Praetorian Network. As the founder of TPN, it is my duty to constantly push the boundaries and take our platform to new heights. And today, I am thrilled to share with you our visions of future goals for TPN. […]