I didn’t plan on making a side income from my knees. But here we are.
I’m Fiona Vrhovnik—Slovenian, 186 cm tall, full-contact wrestler, and no stranger to adrenaline. I’ve cliff-dived, flipped cars, and suplexed guys twice my size. But nothing prepared me for this: men lining up and paying me to knee them in the face.
Yeah. You read that right.
These guys aren’t into MMA. They’re not training for a fight. They’re into a trend called bonesmashing—some twisted offshoot of looksmaxing, where insecure men (usually deep in incel forums and Andrew Tate brain-rot) try to reshape their facial bones by blunt trauma. No joke.
They used to hit themselves with hammers or phones wrapped in towels. Not kidding. But guess what? That mostly leads to uneven bruises and broken dreams. So now? They’re outsourcing it—to me.
They believe my knees have the “ideal shape” to structure their cheekbones or sharpen their jawlines. One guy told me, dead serious, “Your femur angle and striking surface is better than any household object.” I should’ve charged him double.
And I do charge. This is a side hustle, after all. I make good money. These guys don’t want just anyone to damage them—they want precision violence. And I’ve got it. My strikes are clean. I hit with accuracy. Some of them even request “controlled swelling in the orbital ridge.” One guy brought a diagram.
Do I think it’s crazy? Hell yes. But do I stop them? Nope. I’m not their therapist. I’m the executioner they book by DM. I sign a waiver, wear my knee guards, and leave the rest to Darwin.
And let’s be honest—if they’re going to hurt themselves anyway, better it’s done by someone who knows how to control force rather than shattering their own face with a gym dumbbell in mom’s basement.
This is the world we live in: masculinity is in a tailspin, and young men are desperately trying to beat their way into looking confident. Instead of lifting. Instead of eating clean. Instead of becoming stronger. They think a few fractures will make them Chad.
You want my advice? Get strong the real way. Train. Fight. Eat like you care about your body. Or if you’re dead-set on taking a knee to the face—at least make sure it’s from someone who can aim.
I’ll keep cashing in until they grow up.
Until then… knees ready.
