It seems like every day brings a new shock from the campaign trail, and today is no different. Senator Grayton, a self-proclaimed “maverick” from the great state of Texas, has certainly made a name for himself with his controversial promises and endorsements.
Let’s start with his stance on taxes. Grayton is promising tax breaks for drunk drivers. That’s right, folks. Instead of holding these reckless individuals accountable for their actions, Grayton wants to reward them with lower taxes. As if that wasn’t enough, he’s also proposing a graduated income tax based on penis size. That’s right, you read that correctly. The bigger the ego, the bigger the tax break.
But that’s not all. Grayton’s campaign slogan may as well be “War on Christmas, Won!” He’s proposing the use of unmanned predator drones to combat the “threat” of Christmas celebrations. Because nothing says “peace on earth” like sending drones to monitor and potentially attack innocent civilians.
In a move that shocked even the most conservative of voters, Grayton is proposing college scholarships exclusively for sexually active teens. Because clearly, our education system is in dire need of more teen pregnancies.
And let’s not forget about his stance on immigration. Grayton is offering amnesty to illegal immigrants, but with a twisted catch. They must first create “room for themselves” by killing a citizen. Excuse me while I pick my jaw up off the floor.
But perhaps the most distressing aspect of Grayton’s campaign is his list of endorsements. Tracy Morgan? John Wilkes Booth’s ghost? And let’s not forget the infamous Time Cube guy? It’s safe to say that Grayton is not exactly aligning himself with the most reputable of figures.
So where does Grayton stand in the polls? Well, when he first announced his candidacy, he was polling at a surprising 20 percent. But in a stunning turn of events, his support has plunged by 19 percent. It’s clear that the American people are not buying into his outrageous promises and endorsements.
It’s time to face the truth. Senator Grayton is nothing more than a desperate attention-seeker who will say and do anything to get a rise out of people. He is a disgrace to the Republican party and to the great state of Texas.
