In a move that has both epidemiologists and wrestling fans blinking in disbelief, the infamous Alpha variant of Covid-19—scientifically known as B.1.1.7 and first detected in the UK in September 2020—has just received a retroactive rebrand.
Say goodbye to Alpha.
Say hello to William Regal.
The renaming is part of Donald Trump’s executive order to name all current and future Covid-19 variants after WWE wrestlers. While newer strains like Stratus are being named in real-time, Trump has now declared that past variants “deserve proper superstar recognition, too.”
“A Variant That Fought With Class”
“The Alpha variant was British. Strong. Dangerous. Very polite,” Trump said during a Florida rally-turned-press-conference where he held up a Union Jack and a signed steel chair. “That’s Regal. That’s William Regal. A man of honor—and spiked proteins.”
Trump added that it was “one of the most elegant variants we ever had,” despite the death toll.
He then pivoted to a familiar topic:
“And I’ll tell you something else—we wouldn’t even have Alpha if Britain wasn’t able to act independently. So I want to take a moment to thank God for Brexit. It saved the Queen. And it gave us the name William Regal. Beautiful.”
Science Tries to Keep Up
Medical experts are scrambling to update slide decks and PowerPoints.
“This… wasn’t on the WHO roadmap,” said Dr. Lana Espinoza, an infectious disease specialist. “But I guess we’re replacing Greek letters with wrestler lore now. Fine. I’ll change my slides.”
Historians of the pandemic note that Alpha—sorry, William Regal—was one of the more serious strains in the early days, spreading rapidly and prompting strict lockdowns across Europe and North America.
“Imagine the first wave of Covid, but with a monologue,” one researcher said. “That’s William Regal.”
Fans React with Flair (and Memes)
Wrestling Twitter has erupted with approval, memes, and fan fiction.
“I always knew Alpha had Regal energy,” wrote @SmackTalkScholar. “Clean transmission. Sharp entries. No nonsense.”
Others speculated that if Alpha is now William Regal, Beta might become British Bulldog, and Gamma is surely destined for Goldberg—“because no one liked it, but it got pushed anyway.”
The Variant Hall of Fame Begins
With this retroactive naming, the doors are officially open to what fans are calling the Covid Variant Hall of Fame:
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Alpha ➝ William Regal
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Stratus ➝ Trish Stratus
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Next? Cena? Lesnar? Maybe Hornswoggle for that weird unclassified mini variant from 2022?
Final Bell:
What started as a pandemic has now become part of the WWE canon.
The virus may mutate, but Trump’s branding game? Unmatched.
Stay tuned, because the next strain might just hit you with a chair—and a catchphrase.
